Where are you Will Cuppy when we need you most?
“What! Who are you? Damn, is that you Will Cuppy?”
“Why do you look so surprised? You asked where I was, didn’t you?”
“Give me a minute. I’ve not talked to too many from the Great Beyond.”
“Ah yes, The Great Beyond. Have you read Paul Halpern’s book? I see your shaking your head. Read about it at http://www.wiley.com/WileyCDA/WileyTitle/productCd-047146595X.html. It’s so exciting.”
I tried to gain my composure.
Talking to a dead man!
He was in clear view now. He looked nothing like I expected. We writers must snack hourly to keep our brain cells working. I though he would be chubby from too much snacking. Instead he looked like a shoe salesman, but not as tall as my favorite television star, Al Bundy.
I was too stunned to talk. He winked at me and said, “Ah, yes. The Great Beyond: Higher Dimensions, Parallel Universes and the Extraordinary Search for a Theory of Everything."
I said, “I was writing this article so that people would know you. I wanted them to know that humor has gone from our planet because when you died you took off with what was left of it. I wanted to show that we needed you back.”
“Ah, such sentiments. But I’m afraid that you are wrong. Haven’t you been watching Bush War II and the White House press secretary?”
“What’s funny about war and a moron? The White House press secretary makes the president look like an idiot every time he opens his mouth.”
“Now you’ve got it!” said Will Cuppy. “You’ve found the humor right there! Brighten up!”
I said, “I don’t think our country needs—“
“What’s your name? I need to say your name when I talk to you.”
“It’s John.”
He laughed and said, “No! How would I tell you from the other zillion Johns? I might even confuse you with that nasty King John of Robin Hood fame. "What do your old friends call you, the ones from your neighborhood?”
I said, “I keep it from my current friends but, a few of my old friends still call me “Moe.”
He chuckled and said, “Like in Moe Howard, the great Moe Howard of the Three Stooges?”
I said, “Yes. Exactly!”
“I guess your dad put a bowl over your head when he cut your hair.”
“Double exactly!”
“I’m sure you must be very proud to have that relationship with the greatest entertainers of all time.”
He didn’t give me time to answer. “Did you know that there is a great sketch of Moe at http://ftp.sunet.se/pub/pictures/tv.film/Three_Stooges/fine.jpg?Larry Fine drew it.”
I said, “I didn’t know that Larry Fine was an artist.”
“Sure! Moe, Will Cuppy said, “Comedians are just people like you and me. I had a whole file cabinet dedicated to theThree Stooges.”
“A whole file cabinet full of stuff on the Three Stooges. That would be a treasure. Who has it now?”
“Moe, I didn’t have a whole file cabinet full of stuff on the Three Stooges. I had a small brass plate made that said, This File Cabinet is Dedicated to the Three Stooges.”
I laughed and said, “What happened to your files? What happened to those thousands and thousands of entries on aardvarks, kings, leprechauns, pygmies, and zebras you kept in your office?”
“What office. I had no office.”
I said, “I thought every writer had an office. Where did you put your computer?”
He laughed. “I died in 1949, Moe! But, thank God that I didn’t have a computer. I wouldn’t have ever got anything done, trying to figure the damn thing out.”
“Not even a Radio Shack MP3?”
“Not even an abacus! Did you know that I can add and subtract on an abacus."
"No."
He added, "However, multiplication, division, and integral calculus can not possibly be done on an abacus.”
I had him now. I said, “What about the Japanese clerks who beat—"
He frowned and said, “You are like that nasty King John, aren’t you?”
He left!
I sat down and cried. I murmured, “Come back, Will Cuppy! Please come back!
I went to: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Will_Cuppy and tried to pat his head. I couldn't get to the pic through the monitor. I cried and cried and cried.
Come back, Will Cuppy! Please come back!
The End
copyright©John T. Jones, Ph.D. 2005
John T. Jones, Ph.D. (tjbooks@hotmail.com)is a retired R&D engineer and VP of a Fortune 500 company. He is author of detective & western novels, nonfiction (business, scientific, engineering), poetry, etc. Former editor of international trade magazine. More info: http://www.tjbooks.com. Business web site: http://www.bookfindhelp.com (wealth-success books / flagpoles)
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